A Tail or Two
by SecretBeauty-NM-LM
Summary: Joker's idea of fun turns into a nightmare for Selina Kyle as she finds herself unable to scratch the habbit of a double life as the infamous Catwoman. A BatmanCatwoman tale. Rated M for some themes. PLEASE review!
1. Chapter 1

1.---Selina sat at her desk, wiggling a loosened shoe about on her foot and chewing on the eraser tip of

her pencil, pondering over how a file could get so messed up.

The address came before the name, and the name after the area code, the conclusion in the middle of the

paragraph, and the introduction at the end.

"_Umph_," Selina flopped her head down on her arms.

"Problem Selina?"

"Wha…?" She looked up to find her boss, Max Shreck, looking over at her from the filing drawers.

"Nothing that I can fix with a few hours work and more patients than a doctor's office."

Max laughed. She flipped open the file again.

"Keep working on it. Mr. Wayne won't be happy if he has to wait for organization," he closed the drawer,"

Actually, I won't be happy if we have to wait. He's been pressing this whole idea on how we don't need

another power plant and," he fixed a bit of hair in the mirror, "I think we do. And we will," he amended

going into his office and closing the doors.

She rolled her eyes.

_We don't need another power plant,_ she wanted to say.

Max wouldn't buy that though. If he thought he wasn't making as much money as he thought he should

be, he would be soon.

Hours passed, and she still sat at the file now twirling a strand of mahogany hair that hung loose at her temple.

"Good night Ms. Kyle," Max said, turning off his office lights.

"Good night sir," she squinted at a sentence, not looking up.

"You're going to work through your cat's nine lives if you don't go home soon," a tall slender blonde

woman leaned over her desk counter.

"Hello and good night Jean, but I'm almost done, see?" She dangled the last page she was working on.

"Get home to Miss Kitty! She needs a break from waiting for you!" she said as she stood waiting for the

elevator.

"Take care," she stepped in and the doors closed.

"Alone again," Selina breathed.

Selina hurried and shoved the report into a plastic casing.

Max had just called and wanted her to take the report to the section of the building where they work on

turning boring old reports into slide presentations and impressive portfolios.

She had ten minutes to do so until they closed.

Cramming the folder into her mouth, she slung her coat over her arm and clumsily turned off her desk

light and grabbed her lunch bag.

Her arms full she toed the elevator button and was still in the 'toe button pressing position' when the elevator doors opened and a man stepped out.

"Uhh…" they stared at each other a minute before blood returned to her head and she stood straight.

"Is Mr. Shreck still here?" he asked.

"Uh, no. He just left for the day. Can I get your name?" came he muffled reply.

"What was that? I didn't catch the last part, you ah," he motioned the folder.

She laughed.

"Your name," she did her best impression of name writing.

"Oh my name," he was amused.

He took a card from his breast pocket circled his home number and handed it to her when he

remembered…she had no hands.

"My names on there as well. Uh, here," he slid it under her teeth on the folder. She laughed.

"Have a good evening sir," she slipped in the elevator just as the doors were closing.

"Wait!" Before she could push the 'open doors' button, his hand was crunched. The doors opened back up

to reveal him rubbing his knuckles. She dropped her stuff on the elevator floor and took the files from her

mouth.

"Are you ok?" she asked, organizing her stuff. She seemed to be exceptionally clumsy today.

"Yeah, I think I'll be fine. Just some extensive surgery, that you'll pay for and I think I'll be fine," he teased.

"I'm sorry. What is your name? Your card went flying somewhere around here," she scanned to floor.

"Wayne. Bruce Wayne." He offered his hand.

"Bond. James Bond," she replied, with a sparkle in her eye.

"Selina Kyle," she shook his hand.

"You're quite funny," he smiled.

"Say, I apologize if this seems too forward, but would you like to join me for a cup of coffee? Since it is a

dreary day. My treat of course," the chime 'dinged' and they stepped out.

"I would Mr. Wayne, but I have to drop the report, your report as a matter of fact, to Presentations and

they leave in," she checked her watch. "Five minutes ago, all right then," she laughed, disbelievingly.

"Yes, it was all my plan. 'Meet Selina at elevator doors when in hurry. Wisk her away for coffee, impress

her with my car and charm," he smiled, "and conclude the night with knowing that I made her get fired,"

he puffed out his chest for dramatics.

"Don't worry," he said when he saw the look on her face. "It's my report anyway. I'll explain everything to

Mr. Shreck at tomorrow morning's meeting. Coffee?" He offered her her coat.

"With a drop of scotch; Mr. Shreck is going to kill me for not making that a presentation," she buttoned up

her khaki trench coat and fixed her hair. If that was possible.

--Her laughter filled the coffee house.

"Who would have thought that Bruce Wayne, Gotham's Golden Child, was suspended more times than a

pair of pants," she played with her coffee cup.

"That's quite an analogy," he grinned.

What perfect white teeth, she thought to herself.

She jumped, a roar of thunder sounded.

"Scared?" Bruce asked.

"No, I'm just not used to having a boulder roar down Port street," she tired to regain her composure. "I'll

give you a ride home," he pulled out his cell phone.

"Alfred. I need you to pick me up at the Port street coffee shop. Thanks," he placed the phone back in his

coat pocket.

"He's here," Bruce said, getting up and helping her with her coat again.

"That was fast," she said.

"He was out shopping."

"Ah Master Bruce, who might we have here?" the old butler inquired.

"Alfred, this is Ms. Kyle. Selina this is Alfred, my butler and friend," the two shook hands.

"Pleased to meet you miss," he opened the passenger door.

"Fancy car you've got here," Selina remarked once they were on their way.

"Thank you. It was my father's. He died when I was little," he looked out the window.

"I know. It's practically a Gotham City legend. A horrible truth though," she added. "I'm sorry about them;

your parents. I'm sure they were nice people. They made Gotham what it is today," Bruce continued to

look out the window and grimaced.

"Almost," he said as they passed about the fiftieth burned out building yet.

"Make a left on this street coming up," Selina called up to Alfred.

"Yes Ma'am."

"Right here," she informed. They stopped in front of a run down apartment complex.

"I need to talk to Max about getting you a raise," Bruce stated, getting out of the car and offered his

hand.

"Thank you. It's not that bad really," she stood back to asses it herself. Plastic bags were the main form of

window and paint might as well have been the price of gold for there was barely any left. The climbing

vines could have given a chimpanzee a run for its money.

"We look like idiots standing out here in the rain," she stated.

"Yes, but even in the gloomiest of times it's good to sit back and observe," he said.

_Was that ever the truth_, he thought

"Good night Mr. Wayne," she held out her hand in closure.

"It's Bruce," he corrected shaking her hand, "and good night to you Miss Kyle."

"It's Selina," she called as he hopped back in the car.

What a good evening this was, she smiled to herself.


	2. Chapter 2

---Once again, Selina found herself sitting at her desk, but this time she wasn't organizing any

papers, she was staring blankly at the wall, listening to the sound of the time ticking by. For

fifteen minutes she had been staring at that wall, almost as if willing it to change into a

tropical get away that she could jump into. Nope. That wasn't on the wall's agenda. Instead it

planned on being a boring dull grey with a failed attempt of an accent border to spice it up.

Bruce Wayne had been in a meeting with Mr. Shreck for a half an hour now. She had been

listening in on what was being proposed, and enjoyed hearing Max's voice grow stiffer and

stiffer as Bruce kept denying him funds for his power plant. Then about fifteen minutes in, the

same length she had been staring at the wall, they began to talk about sports and their golf

scores and she began to ponder the point of golf. Drunken Scotts men, she thought.

"I look forward to seeing you again Mr. Wayne," Max clasped him on the back as the doors

opened. "Yeah, same here," Bruce didn't sound convincing at all.

"Ms. Kyle will show you out. I believe you two have already met?"

"Yes we have," Bruce answered and smiled at Selina.

"Since you're not busy Selina," Max tossed a folder at her, "Take those to Research for me."

She sighed when the doors were closed.

"I'd think that would be more eventful than staring at a dull grey wall," Bruce pushed the

Elevator button.

"Oh yes it is," she mused. "Max's son Chip works in that department, and if I had a nickel for

every pass he's made at me…" she stiffly walked into the elevator, "I could buy you out."

--Walking down the hall to Research, she made sure to say hello to Jean on her way.

"Hey Jean; bye Jean," she called into the doorway.

"Hey Selina," she called back.

The automatic doors slid open into the lab. "They opened just for you," a man remarked.

"Clever Chip," she replied with sarcasm.

Just as she tossed the folder down on a worker's desk, an explosion went off in the back and a

strange green gas began to filter into the room.

Selina headed for the exit, but her vision was soon obscured and she could barely make out

her hands before her. The gas soon became too much and she fell to the floor, breathing

through her sweater sleeve.

There was a wave of horrible cackling laughter, then the sounds of punches being thrown.

Selina began to feel very strange; like the sudden need to scratch behind her ears, or lick her

hand. She gave into the itching sensation behind her ears and was about to lick her hand

when a strong figure swooped her up and before she knew what was happening she was out in

the hall.

"Are you alright?" the figure asked. "I think so," she placed a hand on her head. "Yes, I'm

fine," she responded.

"Get to the hospital as soon as you can," was the demand, and the demander was gone.

--Walking Gotham's streets was treacherous enough, but add dizziness to the mix and you

had an obstacle course. When the dizziness passed she noticed that her contact lenses were

too strong and she removed them from her eyes. People looked at her and walked wide

around her. It was a bit odd seeing someone grabbing at their eyes in the middle of the street,

but they hurt! She spotted a woman heading towards her with a gold necklace on and before

she knew it she ducked into an alley way just after she snatched the necklace! The woman

hadn't noticed. She studied the necklace a moment before it sunk in on what she had just

done.

"Oh my God! Miss!" she ran back out on the sidewalk. She chased after the woman, and

tapped her shoulder. "You…Dropped this," she placed it in her hand.

"Oh! Thank you!" she said, stepping into a cab.

_What the hell is wrong with me!_ She shouted within herself after she noticed that she now

held someone's watch. _When did I do this now! _She quickly stuffed the watch in her pocket,

hoping no one saw.

Arriving at her 'safe' haven of home, she closed her door and flopped down on the couch.

"Maybe I should go to a hospital," she wondered aloud. Miss Kitty brushed against her hand.

"But what would I tell them? 'Hello Mr. Gotham-University-Medical-Degree, I can't stop taking

things I like. By the way, give this bracelet back to your receptionist.' That would go over

really well," she placed Miss Kitty on her stomach.

"They would lock me in a Psyche ward and I would never see you again. Or Bruce…" she

scratched behind her ear. _Her_ ear! Not the cats! "This is what I mean!" she shot up, sending

Miss Kitty flying; which she showed her anger with a hiss. "Sorry M.K." She feathered her hair

back. "Maybe I'll take a shower," she said to the wall. Miss Kitty looked at her as if her owner

had gone crazy. Selina hissed at her. The cat's one ear folded back, her thoughts still clear as

day. "Oh my God I hissed at a cat," she hurried for the shower.

--After her rather short, surprisingly un-enjoyable shower, she sat on the bed with her head in

her hands while Miss Kitty licked the water off of her legs.

"I have to do something," she suddenly sat upright, "and I think I know what," a smile crept

upon her face. Miss Kitty looked at her owner as if she had never met her before. Dropping

the towel where she stood, she made her way over to the closet and began throwing out

clothes. Miss Kitty took refuge on top of the dresser and watched the scene. Finally! She

reached what she was looking for. A studded track suit and a leather jacket.

She sat at her desk in her room and began to work on her new suit. Ripping fabric here and

there, adding pieces here and there and…purring…here and there. After an hours worth of

work she held up the work to admire it.

"Purr-fect," she smiled. "Now for the finishing touch," she grabbed a wide strand of extra

fabric and tied it over her eyes and donned the makeshift gloves with safety pins sewn into

the knuckles as claws; so as she punched, she punctured. Rushing into the bathroom she

began to put on dramatic red lips and heavy winged eyeliner. _This is the only way to start _

_wearing makeup,_ she smiled.

--Climbing out onto the fire escape she stretched in her new found self. She leaped to the

ground, all eight stories, landing in the middle of the alleyway. A few heavy partiers looked

behind them to find her.

"Puddy want a drink," he offered then rudely gestured.

"Nothing from the tap boys," she turned and ran about her business.

Stopping before a Halloween store she peered in. _Bingo_. She spotted the cat mask. Kicking in

the door she hurried in and grabbed it as the alarm sounded then headed, by roof top, to the

dominatrix store that was not too far down the road.

Leaping from roof to roof she discovered her newly acquired acrobatic skills, flipping and

twisting every now and then to the next black top flat. She became curious and gave a great

leap, landed, and scattered about the street. Breaking in the backdoor to the shop she looked

around.

"Hmm, should've made a shopping list," she looked around then down at her feet.

She still wore her tacky work shoes. She noticed the display before her. Boots. Grabbing the

pair, she headed for the front display window.

"Thanks slut," she said grabbing the whip from the spread eagle mannequin.

About on her way out she felt a '_swoosh_' behind her back. With cat like reflexes she turned.

Nothing.

She then felt like something was watching her from a corner, but she couldn't make out

anything.

Taking what she had, she made for the door.

--"May I ask what is new Master Bruce?" Alfred asked, placing a glass of water next to Bruce.

"Yeah," he zoomed in on the black and white picture he took of the mysterious robber.

"There was an alarm at a Halloween store and I had hoped it might have been Joker, but

when I got there, I was in time to hear the alarm go off just down the street from there, and I

highly doubt Joker would be shopping at a dominatrix shop," he clicked to the next picture of

the whip armed bandit.

"That is odd," Alfred commented, taking his leave to let Bruce think. "What do you plan to

do?" he asked stopping on the stairs.

"If there's a next time, I'm going to arrest this…catwoman. But tonight I just observed. She

threw me off. I've never seen anything like this before," he gave the picture one last look

over, shut the program down and headed for bed.


	3. Chapter 3

3.----_Something's not quite right_. Selina lay on her back, her head propped up on her arms, staring up at the night sky, dressed in her Catwoman attire. _A woman doesn't just dress up in a cat suit…unless she's a dominatrix…which I don't think I am…Am I?!_ She bolted up. "I know I can't be that," she said to the night air, toying with the diamond necklace in her hand. "Ok, time to do something."

She got up and proceeded to the edge of the building. About to jump, she noticed a large looming shadow staring right across from her. She stopped. _Who is that?_ She squinted her eyes for a better look. _Batman…_

Instead of him sweeping across the gap between them he just stood as if apprehending her next move. This annoyed her. "You know, it's not polite to stare," she stated. He looked taken aback, but then just continued to stare. She chose to ignore him and leapt to the next building, doing her acrobatic skills. _If he's going to stare_, "Might as well give him something to stare at," she said as she landed. Taking a glance back, he still stood there. Not paying attention, she collided with an object in front of her.

"_Oph,_" she backed up.

"I have my tricks too," he said.

"Batman?! How did you…you were--" she looked behind her. Well he _was_ there.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"Who are you?" she retorted.

"You know who I am…"

"And you can _see_ who I am," she smiled coyly.

"A cat who isn't familiar with the rules of the house," he shot a look at the loot bag tied to her waist belt. "I know you're out for more," he continued, "but I can't let you do that." She gave a mischievous smile. "I'm out for something," she looked him over, "but I'm afraid," she took hold of her whip and strung it through her hands. "You might not hand it over willingly," she brushed her hands up and over his chest. He swallowed hard. She smiled.

Moving her face up to his as to kiss him, she quickly tied under his arms and around his neck to the water tower post behind him. "Gotham's jewels," she answered. Blowing him a kiss, she took her leave.

Once again he found himself staring after her.

--Treating Gotham's rooftops like her own personal playground, Catwoman scoped the scene for the best jewelry shops around. _Madame Rowling's Exquisite Best_, _LeFave Diamonds_, and other such fancy names proved to be worth checking out. About to enter Madame Rowling's she heard two voices conversing in the alley below. One voice very familiar.

"Mr. Freeze sir, I can assure you that this is what Gotham needs, what _you _need."

It was her boss Max Shreak.

"Mr. Shreak I don't fund men that are power hungry and money hungry aside my self," he smirked at his cleverness. Catwoman slunk down and peered over the edge for a better look.

"I would think that you would see more into this than just my advantage. After all, I'm not as important as your—"

"How dare you," he had Max by the throat, shoved into the alley wall.

"Sir, I was just saying, that with…" he pleaded, his voice choked. "That with," she stopped and looked at the rooftop across the way. "Who's that?" he pointed right at her. Mr. Freeze too, looked.

She gasped and ducked away.

"I'm not sure," Mr. Freeze said, releasing Max and walking over towards the building. He stopped, then fired a shower of ice crystals onto the roof.

"Whoever it was, is no more," he smiled.

--Catwoman lay twisted on the rooftop, holding an icicle just inches from the center of her forehead. She was panting. The others were showered all around her, all too close to their target. That was too close.

What was Max up to? Funding? Power? Was he really going to one of the most feared villains of Gotham City for help? Surely he couldn't be that desperate to open a new power plant? And if he was…why? And what was this 'precious' thing that Mr. Freeze cared so much about?

So many questions and only one way to find out. Prowl.

----"Selina you can go home now," Max popped out of his office to say. "I just have a late business meeting and that's all."

"Anyone's files I should dog up?" she asked.

"No. This is a new client. I'll give you the information if they decide to join our service," he gave her thumbs up. She responded with her thumbs up that quickly dropped as soon as he stepped back in his office.

Perfect. She would have time to hurry home, dress and see what the bastard was up to.

--Slinking along the back alley of Shreak Department Store, she stopped in front of the back door. No one around, good. She didn't want to risk hurting her hand punching out someone other than Max. She inserted a nail into the lock and it _clicked_ open. Double-checking, she stepped in.

The department store looked somewhat creepy at night. Mannequins looked somewhat more creepy than usual (even though they were sporting such fashions as Fendi and Prada) and the nightlights cast shadows all about. _He better not be hiding in one of these shadows_, she thought to herself, searching for the one and only, Batman.

_If he's here, there's something just not natural about that man_, she thought doing arched stretches. "Who am I to talk about normal?" she said, straightening up.

Deciding that a _ding_ from the elevator would alert the once said persons, she enter the stairwell. She looked up. Ascending to the fifty-fourth floor was going to be fun. She took her whip from around her waist and strung it around the metal rail on the second floor landing and pulled herself up. She began to build up speed. She laughed as she soon became faster and faster, jumping and lunging from floor to floor until she reached her destination. She looked down from where she just came. Going down could be as much fun too.

--Not taking the risk of having the stairwell door squeak, she carefully removed the hinges, gently placing them on the marble floor next to her. One rolled away and clattered all the way down fifty-four floors, echoing loudly all the way. She hissed a curse and paused with her ear to the door to see if anyone heard and came to investigate. No one so far. She peered out the tiny window. A light was on in Max's office but his door remained shut. She gave a sigh. Placing the door to the side, she, with stealth, crept to his office door. The voices were muffled.

"I let you do your testing, now I want my reward," Max hissed through clenched teeth.

"Shouldn't getting rid of your secretary be reward enough? Lord knows she was nothing to look at," the mystery man spoke, fiddling with the envelope full of money.

"Obviously, I don't care about my secretary, I had her go down there when you set the gas off. Now," he eyed the envelope, "my payment."

"Oh yes, fine," he tossed it on the desk, bored.

"If that's all you need, I'll be going," he headed for the doors.

Catwoman looked around for a place to hide. As a last and desperate resort, she looked up and saw the sprinkler system pipes. Sneaking a glance at the doors she quickly darted up.

"Be careful Max," said the man.

"Some of us Undergrounds aren't as cooperative and would have taught you a thing or two about…" he stopped.

"Were you expecting company?" he pointed at the unhinged door. Max frowned and proceeded over to the doorframe.

He ran his hand along it and stopped when he found…claw marks.

"What the hell is this?"

The green haired man looked down to the ground floor, and found a tail just whip out of sight. "I'll see if I can catch up."

--Catwoman saw the man come out of the fire exit below. She had ran out of the side door and scampered back up the side of the building so she could go back in and do what she had planned to do in the first place. Search Max's desk and, now, see what the green haired man had handed him in the envelope. The man disappeared down the alleyway. She made her move.

Hanging down over the rooftop edge by her whip, she cut a hole through the office window and slipped through. Stepping lightly, she made her way over to the desk. Smiling to herself, she seated herself in his chair and opened the long drawer and spotted it. The green envelope, already opened, sat just under a card. She picked up the card and there was an emblem of the odd haired man on the front and his logo _'Joker: Keeping Gotham in Hysterics since1950…And Now!'_ just under the 'now' was a hologram that when you tilted the card from side to side The Joker kept making funny faces.

She rolled her eyes, and placed it in her belt compartment, along with the money.

Climbing back up to the top of the building, she looked up to discover The Joker standing just across from her.

"Hello pussy," he smiled.

She rolled her eyes, "Original. What do you want?"

"I think it's more like, what do _you _want?"

"Nothing," she lied.

"I don't think so. Why were you around here? I know it was you snooping around the office."

"Getting to know my territory," she shrugged.

"We'll see," his eyes widened and he quickly disappeared, leaving her to stare after him in confusion.

"Out again?" a deep voice asked.

She spun around to face to face with Batman again.

"Agh, you've got to be kidding me!" She started to walk away.

"Who are you? What do you want?" He followed.

"You know," she jumped to the next building; he did the same.

"You're getting really annoying! Are you a younger sibling or something? Listen," she placed a hand on his chest, stopping him. "Have I given you any reason as of yet to stalk me?"

"No…but…"

"No, no, no. No 'but's'. You really want to follow me? I'll give you a reason," she smiled and swung at him, barely missing his cheek with her claws and ran off. He followed.

She lead him on a chase over buildings for a few blocks, then spotted her destination.

A nice sized popular jewelry store she had her eyes set on for a while. Jumping down the five stories to the street, she sprinted off.

--_How does she do that?! _Batman wondered, watching. She entered the jewelry store. _What is she doing?_

He entered close behind her. All was dark.

"Alright, where are you, what are you doing?"

There was the sound of scampering but no reply.

To his left he heard a _smash_ and looked in time to see a hand reach into the shattered case and scoop up a handful of jewels. He rushed over to stop her, but just as he reached there, there was another smashing sound across the room followed but another handful of jewels gone missing.

"Stop it lady!" he ordered.

"No!" she flung her whip around his neck and shoved him against the wall.

"Let's just get a few things straight. My name _is _Catwoman. I'm not a thief," (_really_) she draped the stolen necklaces around his neck, "And I think I have some information that you would be interested in," she retracted the whip, breaking some necklaces and sending the beads scattering over the marble floor; and tossing the envelope with the money and card inside at him.

"Know anything about a freak that calls himself 'The Joker'?"

He looked up at her bewildered, "Yes. I've been tracking him for years," he glanced down at the card and then at the money.

"How did you get so close to him? Please, tell me that this is for," he flipped through the bills.

"I was hoping you would be able to tell me the same," she paced.

"He's working with—" she broke off. She was about to say 'with my boss'. She started again, carefully. "With this guy I'm not too happy with, really, starting tonight. And," she stopped, and pointed behind him through the doors. Five squad cars had pulled up and men were piling out.

When he turned back around, she was gone.

"What's going on—Batman?!" said an armed police officer.

"Everything's fine. I took care of it," he looked up at the open skylight in the ceiling.

--Back at the cave, Bruce (Batman) sat at his computer, removing his gear. Removing the last of it, he grabbed for the money only to withdraw his hand. He looked at his fingers. Green ink was on the tips. He looked back and the money and saw that Franklin's face was somewhat smeared. He rubbed the rest of it off; and there under it was none other than The Joker's face. He gave an incredulous laugh and tossed the money aside. Funny money.


End file.
